Conquering America: One State at a Time
by moecat433
Summary: Oh say can Skulduggery and the gang survive the land of the free and the home of the brave? Trust us, it will be much better than it sounds! R and R please and give it a try! :D Rated T just in case! Co written with NerdySkeleton
1. Chapter 1

Hi!! First upload ever! I'm hoping the you guys and girls will enjoy reading this new original story! This story is written by myself and NerdySkeleton, my best friend! We had a ton of fun writing the first chapter however it took us a very VERY long time!! We will up date as quickly as possible, which will probably not be very frequent, sorry!!! Busy teens ya know, all that homework!! :( Anyways hope you enjoy this story!

Yaaay! New story!!

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(*THIS IS NOT IT!!!*)

There once was a stupid skeleton name Smugdutty. His girlfriend, Evinka, was an ugly brunette. The couple was jealous of another couple. The couple was vampires. Their names were Edward and Bella. Edward and Bella were the heart throbs of many teens. But there were two girls. They loved Smugdutty and Evinka. Smugdutty and Evinka were so mad that they stopped eating and died. The two girls were so upset they died. Edward and Bella in the end still had all the fans.

THE END

Just kidding! :D (Written by our crazy, weird, Skulduggery-hating friend!)

This is really it!  


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"You're being reassigned to America," Guild said sternly.

"A-A-America?" twenty-one year old Valkyrie shrieked. "May I ask _why_?"

"Yes, America," Guild said again, losing his patience. "It's only temporary and the American Sanctuary requested you two along with Miss Tanith Low and Mr. Ghastly Bespoke. And while you're there you'll be able to visit the fifty states and different landmarks."

"So," Valkyrie growled, "we're going to go to America, see the Sanctuary there, and then just traipse around for no reason?!"

"Not exactly. You are to check out each of the fifty states and see if there are any magical incidents that could disturb any civilians. They need to be taken care of."

Valkyrie frowned. "Why can't the American Sanctuary take care of it themselves?"

"Because they aren't as big. When you arrive there, there will be two lovely ladies to give you further information."

Valkyrie groaned. "There is no way anyone will make me go to America."

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery Pleasant said, "we're going to go."

"You've barely said anything this whole conversation! You're opinion does not count."

"I think it does seeing in how I am your mentor."

"In case you haven't noticed, Skulduggery, I'm 96 years old. I can make decisions by myself!" she argued. "You can't convince me to go to America."

"I think you'd really like it though," the skeleton said slyly. "There's a lot of different things there and I'm sure you'd have fun."

"Oh whatever. You're a bad persuader." Valkyrie huffed and crossed her arms.

"We can go see Disneyworld…"

Her head whipped around and she glared at him. "Give me three days to consider."

"Good," Guild exclaimed. "The plane leaves on Thursday. You'll have until then." He gave a curt nod, and swept out of the Sanctuary room. Valkyrie turned and glared harder at Skulduggery.

"I hate you," she said.

"You've told me that many times. I'm glad you've remained true," Skulduggery muttered and guided her away and out of the room.

* * *

"How do we know it's them?" Valkyrie asked loudly over the bustle of the people in the Philadelphia airport. They had just landed in America and were looking for the "lovely ladies" Guild had said would be there.

Skulduggery shrugged. "We'll know when we see them," he said. "Guild told me they'd be waiting by that magical-bag-spinny-thing-of-wonder."

Valkyrie blinked. "You mean the baggage claim?!"

"Yes!"

"Skulduggery, you are such an idiot."

"No, I just have a better way of describing things."

Valkyrie sighed. The Philadelphia airport was such a dirty place in Valkyrie's opinion. She stopped at a map to look for the baggage claim. Just then, she heard a honk from behind her. She turned slowly and saw Skulduggery driving a baggage cart.

Her mouth hung open.

"I found a magical airport car!" he said excitedly.

"Skulduggery," she growled, "that is for staff and elderly only.

He tilted his head. "Technically I am elderly…And so are you!"

"I am not _elderly_!"

Skulduggery looked at her and sighed. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off.

"Excuse me? Are you with the Irish Sanctuary?" a woman, about Valkyrie's age asked.

"You guys better be them. We've been here since 8 this morning and I am so cranky I could strangle you all," a woman with dark brown hair, still about Valkyrie's age said.

"Yes, we are," Skulduggery answered slowly.

Valkyrie smirked. "He couldn't figure out how to board a plane."

"There were hundreds of flights! How was I supposed to know which one to board?"

"That's why you have a ticket! We could have asked a flight attendant, but you scared them all off!"

"No, they just couldn't see my charms," he smugly replied.

"Yes because you have _so many_, Skulduggery," Valkyrie smirked.

"I'm sorry," Polite Girl said, "but we do need to get a move on. We are a time limit."

"Yes! Move, move, move!" Cranky Girl shouted. "Vamoose!" She turned and marched away while Polite Girl rolled her eyes and followed.

Skulduggery looked over at Valkyrie. "We should get going then," he muttered, getting into serious mode. Valkyrie picked up her bags and followed Skulduggery and the two ladies out to the crowded parking lot.

"Our driver should be around here momentarily," Polite Girl smiled.

"If he hasn't crashed the car yet," Cranky Girl muttered under her breath.

"Oh geez, you must be wondering who we are. I'm Morgana Klavier," Polite Girl grinned. "And this is my best friend and associate Yvette Quick." She pointed to Cranky Girl, who was oblivious to what Morgana was saying. She was looking out at the parking lot.

"My God where is he?" she shouted to herself.

"I'm sure he just got stuck in traffic…" Morgana muttered. But just then, a white Porsche pulled up less than three inches from the girl's toes.

"I'm here!" a happy voice said from inside.

"I'm gonna kill him! _I'm gonna kill him_!" Yvette shouted. The driver's side door opened and a black and white haired man stepped out. He was decked out in black leather and was wearing sunglasses that reminded Valkyrie of Billy-Ray Sanguine.

"Hey guys!" he grinned. "Right on time, huh?" He had a Brooklyn accent.

"Actually you're fifty seconds late," Yvette said darkly.

"Why can I never make you happy, Yvette?!" he whined loudly.

"Because you're you," she argued. "Alright hop in, ya'll!"

"Here," Morgana smiled, "you can put your luggage in the back." She walked over and popped open the trunk. Skulduggery followed Morgana, while Valkyrie stood still.

"I swear he reminds me so much of Fletcher," she muttered and then followed Morgana and Skulduggery.

They all got into the car; with Skulduggery in the passenger's seat beside the weird guy. Valkyrie squished in between Morgana and Yvette.

"So…are you ready?" the man smiled. He pulled away from the curb carelessly, going about ten miles over the speed limit.

An awkward silence followed.

"So…" the boy said. "You're Irish and here to help us?"

"No Malikah! They're Chinese and here to _destroy _the Sanctuary!" Yvette replied sarcastically.

The car came to an immediate stop.

"What are we doing with them?" he shouted. "Get them out of the car! I'll save you Morgana!"

"Malikah…" Morgana sighed in frustration, "_drive_."

"NO!" Suddenly there was a rush of air in the car. "I hate it when you do that." He whimpered and started driving again.

"So you're an elemental then, Morgana," Valkyrie said casually.

"Yup!" she grinned.

"And you're…a necromancer?" she asked Yvette. They all heard Skulduggery grumble something and sigh in frustration.

"Got a problem with that, Mr. Bones? Did a necromancer kill your dog?"

"I hate dogs," he sighed. Yvette laughed and turned to Valkyrie.

"But yeah, I'm a necromancer." She pulled her right sleeve up, revealing a black bangle with shadows curling from it.

"So…I heard you're a skeleton," the man said.

"Yes, Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Malikah Knight." He took his hands off the steering wheel to shake the skeleton's hand.

"**Malikah! God! Keep your hands on the wheel!!" **Yvette screamed.

"Are those two mental?" Valkyrie asked, afraid of the answer.

"No, they've just known each other for _way too long_," Morgana replied.

Valkyrie smirked and looked over at Skulduggery. These three reminded her of her friends back in Ireland.

"How close are we to the Pennsylvania Sanctuary then?" Skulduggery asked.

"We should be about five minutes away," Yvette responded lazily.

Another awkward silence.

"Malikah, what magic do you study?"

"Well," he grinned and took his hands off the wheel to turn and face Valkyrie, "I'm an-"

Yvette cut him off. "I swear to God if you take your hands off that wheel one more time I will kick you so hard in the balls."

Malikah whipped around and steered the car. "I'm an adept so…I can pass through walls."

"Oh neat. Do you fight at all?"

"I have really sharp nails, like that superhero."

"Wolfman or something? Valkyrie mumbled.

"It was either Kitty Boy or Puppy Boy," Morgana added.

The awkward silence continued.

"So…Is this your first time in America?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Valkyrie groaned.

"What are you? Anti-American?" Morgana smirked.

"No," Skulduggery intervened. "She just wants to get to Disneyworld."

"As magical as a place Disneyworld is, we're here," Malikah smiled widely and pulled the Porsche up to a curb that was in front of a big white building with the words "The Franklin Institute" writing across it.

"I wish our Sanctuary was this pretty…"

* * *

Hey guys! NerdySkeleton here! **Moecat433 **and I decided to do this story a while ago, but school and actual life took over for us. So, we're co-writing this story together and she'll be uploading it to her account. So yeah. I'm so excited for this :D

PS--

If you want anymore weird Skulduggery P. stories from our Anti-SP friend, please leave in review!! :) :)

PSS--

Hope you enjoyed it and R & R!

PSSS--

Happy Halloween~ :D


	2. Chapter 2

**We're eating Lunchables right now. It's awesome. **

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The five stepped out of the white Porsche and out into the warm summer air. Humongous groups of kids in matching t-shirts marched past them, staring at the man with the black and white hair.

"I hate children…" Malikah muttered.

"Good! Don't expect any women to want to reproduce with you!" Yvette shot back. He frowned.

"Well," Morgana said loudly, changing the subject, "shall we get into the Sanctuary and start our business?"

"Sounds like a plan." The five stepped onto the curb and began the long climb up the stairs to the building. They reached the doors and a big, _big_ security guard stepped in front of them.

"Hey." Morgana looked the man up and down. "MBI?"

He nodded.

"Aren't I smart?" she grinned. Her, Yvette, and Malikah each pulled out a golden card. They had pictures and their taken names inscribed on them. "These two are with us," she said and gestured to Skulduggery and Valkyrie.

The security guard stepped aside and nodded gruffly. Morgana led the way past the man and they walked swiftly through the lobby.

"These cards, hopefully obviously, are our passes to the Sanctuary in here. MBI is like the FBI."

"What does FBI stand for?" Valkyrie inquired.

"'Federal Investigation Bureau.' So…'MBI' is the same thing, but it's 'Magical' instead of 'Federal,'" Malikah explained. "Complicated, but easy when you think about it. So… we'll get your passes soon."

"Easy," Yvette remarked, "but you still don't know what 'bureau' means." He pulled a face and skipped forward and entered a room. They followed and Valkyrie and Skulduggery nearly fainted. They were staring at a humongous marble square. They looked up and saw it was a man sitting on a chair.

"Who in the world is that?"

"It's Benjamin Franklin," Yvette said. "One of the founding fathers."

"He had cool hair," Malikah grinned.

"It's better than yours," Yvette snickered. They walked past the man in the chair and through an archway and through another doorway. There, Skulduggery and Valkyrie stopped and stared at a giant heart.

"Why the hell is there a giant heart in here?" Valkyrie asked.

"We're still trying to figure that out," Morgana answered. "Come on!" She walked into a different room, and stopped suddenly. There were white marble floors and stairs with rod-iron railing. She gestured for Skulduggery and Valkyrie look over the railing.

"_This _is our Sanctuary entrance," Malikah grinned. Skulduggery and Valkyrie looked over the railing. There was a giant metal ball swinging on a long line. Valkyrie noticed pins lined along the circumference of a circle below the ball.

"A pendulum?" Skulduggery asked.

Morgana nodded. "It's the Foucault pendulum. It's not the main attraction, but still pretty!" They nodded and headed down the multiple flights of stairs. Valkyrie remained staring at the pendulum.

"If you fall," Skulduggery smirked, "I will never stop laughing." She rolled her eyes and punched his arm softly. When they arrived at the bottom of the staircase, there was another, skinnier security guard.

"MBI?" Yvette asked, nodding to the man.

"Yes," he replied gruffly. "Sanctuary?"

"Yeppers," she smiled. The guard stepped out of the way and moved a chain gate. Yvette pushed Malikah aside and marched straight through. She went to one of the walls and pushed a small button. She beckoned for the group to stand by. Then, the mosaic below the ball slid open and revealed a spiral staircase with the same coloring as the other stairs.

"Great," Valkyrie groaned, "more stairs!" Malikah grinned and marched down the steps. Morgana and Yvette followed him, while Skulduggery and Valkyrie stood and watched the pendulum. They looked up at the large window in the ceiling.

"Pretty," Skulduggery muttered.

"Hey are you guys coming?" Malikah shouted from the bottom. The two rushed down the stairs to find two even larger MBI guards. They were standing on opposite sides of two humongous, beautiful doors.

There were intricate designs on the doors. Valkyrie thought that China could identify the symbols if she was there. Above the symbols were the words "Ad Libitur Dei Gratia." It was carved in flowing calligraphy.

"What does that mean?" Valkyrie asked.

Morgana smiled. "It means 'As desired by the Grace of God,'" she said. Valkyrie nodded and turned to the gorgeous doors again. The two MBI guards pushed open the doors and a grandiose sight was revealed.

An enormous room was beyond the doors; it had stained glass windows on the wall. The ceiling was a light blue and had a hazy look to it. The floors were a marble white with swirls of gold going to the center, which had another mosaic like the one by the pendulum. There was a gold star in the center with silver tiles outlining it.

People in strange outfits bustled around the lobby. There were doors lined up on all sides of the room, each with a different saying inscribed on it in a different language.

At the far end of the room, there was a giant black door with gleaming silver handles. Shadows seeped out from underneath the door and disappeared in graceful curls. It seemed to be the only dark thing in the entire room.

"Alright stop gawking," Malikah said excitedly. "We've got to see the Grand Mage!" He motioned for the group to follow him and he began marching towards the dark door. Skulduggery noticed certain glances from other mages, making it seem like they would do anything to get away from Malikah.

Malikah stepped back and walked between Valkyrie and Skulduggery. He pointed to the ceiling. "See that?" he grinned. "The ceiling is actually a perfect depiction of the weather outside. There's not a cloud outside, and so there's not a cloud inside."

Yvette snorted. "The weather is never sunny when you're around. Storms are always present when I'm with you," she said.

Malikah grinned. "I'm glad that that's always something you can count on," he said.

Morgana smiled and pushed them aside. "You guys are flirting. How _cute_," she said.

"_What_!?" Yvette shrieked. "No way in hell is that happening! There will never be the possibility of _us_!"

"When you have your wedding," Morgana continued, "let me be Maid of Honor! Then we can discuss your kids."

Yvette's mouth dropped. "OKAY! Let's move on!" She turned sharply and kept marching. Malikah was frozen like a statue.

"I don't want to know what Yvette's kids will be like," he muttered.

"Especially with you as the dad," Morgana added.

Malikah looked as though he had run into a brick wall. Valkyrie smiled. Morgana walked past him and fallowed Yvette across the lobby to the large mysterious door.

They stopped abruptly at the giant door. Valkyrie paused and watched the shadows curl up from the bottom.

"Now, we should warn you," Yvette muttered, "our grand mage isn't exactly the most…_happy_ person in the world…"

"Don't worry. Nothing could be as bad as Guild, our grand mage," Valkyrie replied, grinning.

"Alright, don't say we didn't tell you," Yvette muttered again.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Sorry, but who exactly is your grand mage? I don't believe that Guild told us."

Morgana and Malikah both fidgeted for a brief moment.

"His name is… _Critical Corpse,_" Yvette sighed. For a moment, Valkyrie thought that she heard the entire lobby go silent. People gave uneasy glances to them. But it only lasted for a moment, and soon everyone was refocused on their work.

"Well, let's not keep him waiting," Morgana said, trying to sound cheerful (an failing miserably). She looked over at two MBI's that Valkyrie hadn't noticed were there. They looked as though they needed to catch up on some lost sleep and probably take a well deserved break. They were so silent that they reminded her of the Cleavers. Malikah motioned for them to open the door and they did so immediately.

What was revealed was quite a sight.

There was a huge room that had a floor of gray stone with walls that were equal. Valkyrie squinted her eyes and noticed the roaring fire with a chair placed in front of it. There was a cherry red oak desk pushed off to the side. Musty smelling books were placed on old shelves with candles dotting the walls. A glimmering mirror was set to the side.

Morgana stepped forward. "Grand mage?" she asked timidly.

A cat meowed. From the chair leapt a scrawny black cat. A man stood up from the chair and Valkyrie gasped.

This man was creepy.

Plain and simple.

He resembled a corpse, very much so, making the name fit him well. He had pale skin with dark brown eyes that were filled with despair. It looked as though he hadn't slept in years.

"Hello grand mage!" Malikah said loudly and cheerfully. His voice echoed across the room, making the fire stop crackling. Everyone shuffled around awkwardly.

The grand mage grunted slightly, and looked down at his cat. He bent down and pet the cat softly, then nodded once. The cat meow'd and trotted up to Malikah's leg. She rubbed up and down on his leg, causing him to sneeze violently.

Yvette groaned and threw a tissue at him. "Get your cat allergies away from me," she muttered. He gratefully took the tissue, blew his nose, and then handed it back to her.

"Gross!" she shouted. "I don't want your snotty tissue!"

He looked at her in disbelief. "What do you want me to do with?" he murmured.

"Put it in your pocket!"

"I don't have any pockets!"

"Ghastly didn't make them," Skulduggery whispered in her ear, making her giggle.

Suddenly, Critical Corpse coughed. They all turned to face him. Then he began to speak.

"All the pain & sorrow  
From yesterday 'til tomorrow  
Hoping it would all be over  
Even though it seems forever.

"One of my favorite poems from Alexandra Ermoso, from the Philippines. I've always loved her work."

He looked up.

"I've been expecting you."

And the doors shut with a bang.

* * *

**Sorry this took so long to get up. Our evil science teacher took over the world and gave us waaay to much homework. Seriously. We have plans for what will be happening next chapter and such. THEN. THEN. The states. It's going to be amazing. **

**So we hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading! Sorry for any mistakes! (We were both too lazy to read through the story to check XDD)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Moecat433 is a jerk. S bujhuep no I am not!~!**

**This was us fighting over the keyboard. Sorry about that. **

**NerdySkeleton is horrible. **

**Why thank you. I appreciate this. Story time nowz?**

**Yeppers…you still suck…**

**Same with you. Let's call a truce and forget this thing. **

**Deal, I 3 you!!**

**MOECAT433 IS A WOJHDU LE0  
!**

**SHE IS A BUTTFACE

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**

Malikah screamed as loud as possible.

"Malikah, be quiet. Keep your voice down!" Critical Corpse shouted firmly.

Skulduggery cleared his throat. "You were expecting us, Grand Mage?"

He nodded slowly. "As I said before; please take a seat." The group followed Skulduggery towards an empty, dark corner. There were two blood red couches, with black ink stains. There was another blood red sitting chair facing the couches. Critical Corpse sat gracefully in the chair. The five squished on the couches. Valkyrie and Skulduggery sat together, with Morgana on Skulduggery's right. Malikah and Yvette were squished up against each other on the smaller couch. Malikah was still holding his tissue.

Silence.

"This is a beautiful patter, Grand Mage!" Malikah announced cheerfully. "The red and black go swimmingly with each other."

Critical Corpse stared. "Please, your voice is irritating. My poor ears can't take your high-pitched squealing."

"Oh." He frowned and looked downward. "I still like this pattern though!"

Yvette leaned in and whispered in his ear. "This isn't a pattern," she muttered.

"What are you _whispering _about?" Morgana asked loudly. She wiggled her eyebrows.

Yvette turned. "You are a jerk!"

"I am not!"

"You are!"

"You're horrible!"

"Ladies!" Critical Corpse had his head in his hands.

Both women looked down. "Sorry," they said in unison.

"Let's get down to business," Critical Corpse said sternly, turning his attention towards Skulduggery and Valkyrie. "Mr. Pleasant and Miss Cain, as Grand Mage Guild has told you, we are in need of assistance. The United States of America is a little too large for the small amount of Sanctuaries to take care of. We want you to go around to each state and make sure that there are no law breakers. We can not have that. There can't be any idiots performing magic near regular mortals. Understand?"

"Wow," Malikah breathed. "That's a lot of words…I want your lungs."

Everyone turned to stare at his giddy, grinning face.

"Where the _hell _did that come from?" Yvette growled. "That is the gayest thing I've ever hear you say. Ever."

He grinned.

Skulduggery coughed again, snapping everyone's attention away.

"Well," Valkyrie said, "we'd be happy to help. We've been sort of forced into this anyway. How exactly are we going to get around America? It's kind of big."

"Ah." Critical Corpse nodded. "We've made reservations on first class flights for you two. Blue Port Airways will fly you first-class. These three others will accompany you at different times." He pointed at Yvette, Morgana, and Malikah.

"Question," Skulduggery announced loudly "Guild informed us that Mr. Bespoke and Miss Low would be coming eventually. Where the heck are they?"

"When someone we love dies –  
The stars within our eyes  
Fall from their places –  
On to our faces –  
In the process –  
They become meteors –  
Falling as meteors  
Do in showers."

There was a pause.

"THEY DIED?!" Malikah shouted, jumping up from the couch. As he jumped up, his elbow connected with Yvette's face.

"MALIKAH!" she screamed, clutching her cheek. "WHAT THE HELL. It was a POEM. Get used to it!"

"Well I'm SORRY!" he shouted back. "I'm a little slow today!"

"You're slow EVERYDAY."

"Malikah! Arrêtez de m'interrompre! Vous devez être tranquille pour une fois. Je comprends que mai être difficile pour vous car il n'est évidemment pas dans votre nature!" Critical Corpse shouted over the two.

They all paused.

"Huh?" Malikah asked timidly.

Skulduggery sighed. "He said, 'Malikah! Stop interrupting me! You need to be quiet for once. I understand that may be difficult for you because it is obviously not in your nature!'"

They paused to stare at him.

"Please stop staring at me," Skulduggery said softly, looking downward.

"You speak _French_?" Valkyrie asked, completely floored.

"Well then, as I was saying," Critical Corpse growled, "they will be arriving soon, unless there's been a complication. But that doesn't seem likely." He stopped to produce a manila folder from his coat pockets. "This folder contains all the information needed for each state and plane tickets. After every ten states you visit, another folder will be delivered. Whatever you do, do not lose these folders. They also contain any passes needed to get into the special Sanctuary places, like the mages here have.

"Any questions?"

Critical Corpse handed them the folder to them, and backed away. "Your first assignment is New York."

"Is New York dirty, because no offense, but Philadelphia is pretty bad."

"Well, New York isn't exactly the cleanest place around, but it's a good city," Morgana answered. "But there's plenty of crime to take care of. Perhaps like the Mafia."

Malikah's gaze shot up, and he smiled. "I'm apart of the Mafia!" he said cheerfully.

"_You _are not apart of the Mafia," Skulduggery said defiantly.

"How would you know?"

"I know some people from the Mafia. They do not like act like you."

Malikah frowned. "Oh. Well I am _related _to people in the Mafia."

"Did they disown you or something?"

"…Maybe."

Valkyrie laughed. "When do we leave?" she asked.

"In three hours," Critical Corpse responded. "Have a happy flight."

And he disappeared into the darkness.

"Well come on," Morgana said after a few moments, "we've got a flight to catch."

"But we have three hours!"

"You're going to want to get to the Philadelphia airport nice and early to catch your flight."

"Yeah," Valkyrie groaned, "especially with Skulduggery and his inability to work technology."

"Oh hush," he muttered and punched her arm. "I'll figure it out if we can get to Ghastly faster. I swear, it's like an estrogen party here."

"Hey!" Malikah yelled. "I'm 50/50!"

"Damn right," Yvette smiled and led the way out of the room. They emerged from the stairs and onto the Foucault pendulum. They left the Franklin Institute and sped off in the white Porsche.

* * *

You BETTER like this. We worked on this for five hours. No joke. About a half-hour break altogether. Read and review, for goodness sakes!

That poem is copyrighted by Minh Tan. Just clearing that up.

AND. If you want to know the "Foucault Pendulum" looks like, go to google images and type in "Franklin Institute Pendulum." It's so pretty.

We are both very exhausted and VERY cranky, so as of now, goodbye. We apologize for any mistakes and blaaaaaah.


	4. New York Pt1

Anti-SP story…

Smugdutty and Evinka's Adventures!

#1: New York City

Once upon a time there was a skeleton named Smugdutty. He had a friend named Evinka. They were walking at the local zoo one snowy day. They were talking about how they wanted to be a human. Then out jumped a leprechaun and said they had one wish. They both decided to use it on being humans. So they were sent to Earth as humans. They got placed in a city then started to look around themselves. They saw a bright green sign that read "New York City!" So they knew they were in a city.

They then saw a store. It read "Brooklyn's Book Store." They walked in and asked for information on New York City. Everyone laughed that they asked and walked away. So Evinka decided to explore the bookstore. She found a book called "Smugdutty Pleasant." She thought the Smugdutty looked like Smugdutty. She started to read the book. While reading, Smugdutty found information on New York City. He found out they were in the U.S.A in the state of New York. He decided to go find Evinka. But he could not find her!! He even called her name on the intercom system but Evinka was not there!

He looked high and low then finally found her in the bathroom. She showed him the book he thought it was so they decided to buy it. When they left it was dark outside. They didn't know what to do. So they decided to go back home. But they didn't know how. Suddenly, the leprechaun showed up. He zapped them back to home as skeletons. They had so much fun. Evinka was so excited she wanted to do it again! But they could never do it again since they only have one wish. So they decided to save another adventure for tomorrow!

THE END.

* * *

OK

It's snowing right now! Hope we get a snow day! :D

We're having problems starting. HELP US.

* * *

"Would you like any water, miss?" the male stewardess asked Valkyrie.

"I'm good, thanks," she replied.

"Are you sure?" he asked again, smiling, looking her up and down.

"She's _fine_," Skulduggery interrupted. He whipped out the manila folder and began reading it over angrily.

"Protective much?" Morgana muttered from the row beside them.

"He's like the really annoying, jock, over-protective brother!" Malikah said.

She nodded. "He's an interesting character."

"I'll give you that."

"We can hear you talking you know!" Skulduggery said from across them. He and Valkyrie glared.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the pilot's voice came over the intercom. "We will be landing in approximately twenty minutes. Please turn off all electronic equipment at this time. Thank you."

Malikah looked around him. "Alright!" He reached down and pulled up a huge bag. He pulled out a laptop, cell phone, iPod, PSP, GameBoy Advance, and a small TV. He turned each off one at a time, including his digital watch.

"Your watch doesn't count," Morgana said softly.

"I want to be safe," he replied. "Non voglio che questo piano scendendo a causa di me!" he said in fluent Italian.

"I assume I agree," Morgana smiled and patted his head like a child. She brought her hand back and noticed a black smudge. "What the hell was on your head that is now in my hand?"

"It's the stuff I put in it to keep it smooth and shiny," he smiled and brushed a hand over his head.

"You are so gay sometimes," she said, wiping her hand on his coat.

He nodded softly. "Yvette's still asleep, right?" He looked over slightly, nodded, and then turned back to Morgana. "You remember Rosabella, right?"

She nodded and smiled. "Of course. How can anyone forget the Pie Incident of 1987?"

"I still haven't forgotten that!" he said.

"Pie Incident?" Valkyrie asked from across the aisle.

Malikah smiled. "Well since Yvette's asleep, I guess it's okay. See, I'm betrothed. We're to be wed in a few years. Yvette, for some strange reason, hates her guts. She's as sweet as can be, but Yvette just doesn't like her. So, we went to visit once in 1987, and we made pies, and one thing lead to another…"

"Did Yvette throw a pie at Rosabella?" Skulduggery asked.

"Well sort of. Rosabella _accidentally _threw one at Yvette. Cue the necromancy thing, eight pies went flying straight at my beloved from all directions…and now the whole family, except for Nana. Nana still likes Yvette."

Valkyrie sighed. "It seems likes something Yvette should do."

"Yes, yes," Morgana smiled.

"Well…if Rosabella is as nice as you supposedly say, I can see why they wouldn't get along," Skulduggery sighed. "It seems Yvette might be jealous…" he whispered into Valkyrie's ear. She nodded happily. Suddenly, there was a beep.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have landed. Please exit one row at a time," the pilot said loudly.

"Yveeeeeette…" Malikah whispered and poked at her face. "Waaaaake up!"

"No!" she said loudly, jolting awake. "I will not move until I get any coffee. Nor until your _perfect, precious, beautiful _Rosabella is gone off the face of the Earth."

"Oh…you heard that, huh?"

"Hear _what_?" She seemed to be actually awake now.

"Good!" Skulduggery shouted. "You're awake. Let's get out of here. I hate the crowds in those little tunnel things. And this plane smells like wet dog." They all got up slowly and filed out one at a time, and piled out into the busy LaGuardia Airport.

"Come," Malikah grinned, "let's go get our bags. Then we can head home and get some _real _food."

Everyone followed him and he weaved gracefully throughout the throngs of people getting off of planes. They ended up at baggage claim (aka the magical spinny thing of wonder). They all grabbed their bags, and soon, a voice called out over the murmurs of the airport.

"_Valentino_!" a soprano voice shouted. Suddenly, Malikah whipped around and searched like a dog. "Valentino! Valentino!" the voice said again.

"Who the hell is Valentino?" Valkyrie asked.

Morgana and Yvette pointed at Malikah. "Him."

"Oh. Given name?"

"Yes!" he said gladly. "Valentino Caparelli!"

"Valentino! I hear your voice darling!"

"I hear yours as well, love!" His voice had gone from Brooklyn accent to thick Italian accent. "Where are you darling?" He searched and searched, until he jumped up onto a nearby chair, scanning the crowds. "Rosabella!" he shouted and hopped down. He ran forward, pushing through the people. Everyone followed after him.

Finally, Malikah collided with a woman. He hugged her tightly and picked her up and swung her around.

"Oh Valentino!" the woman grinned. "I've missed you so much! Where have you been?"

"I know, and I'm so sorry my love!" Malikah cried out. "I've been working too hard. I must come home to your meals!"

"You must! That shabby city you call Philadelphia has no real food. Your mother makes the only real food."

He nodded and hugged her closer. "Oh Rosabella, I have missed my family so. My family back at Philadelphia is not the same."

"But Valentino," she whispered, "you don't have family back in Philadelphia!"

"My sweet! You have not forgotten Yvette and Morgana!" He smiled and dragged her away to everyone else. Everyone seemed to be smiling, except for Yvette.

"Oh of course," she smiled, "I have not forgotten, _Yvette_," she said bitterly.

Yvette stepped forward. "I'm _flattered _then, Rosabella. I haven't forgotten you either."

They both smiled wickedly.

"Well," Morgana grinned, "this was great, but why not head to the car? I'm sure we're all anxious for one of Luisa's meals!"

Rosabella nodded. "She had made such a feast for her son!"

"Her son?" Yvette groaned. "Well I feel loved."

"Don't worry," Malikah smiled. "Nana always likes you. I think sometimes you two were twins."

"Except for the fact that she's, like, a thousand."

Malikah laughed and led his Rosabella out of the airport. They all followed slowly, all a little shocked at the sudden "Romeo" Malikah had become. Everyone piled into a black Ferrari. Malikah put it in drive and they sped off.

"Thanks for the introductions," Skulduggery grumbled.

"OH!" Malikah swerved off the road slightly. Morgana held on for dear life. "These, my lovely Rosabella, are my new friends! This girl, Valkyrie Cain and this man, Skulduggery Pleasant are apart of my Sanctuary."

"What charming names!" Rosabella grinned into the rear view mirror. "You seem like great people."

"They haven't said a word…" Yvette muttered angrily. "How can they _seem _nice?"

"Because we are!" Skulduggery grinned. Everyone smiled and laughed, except for Yvette, whose face was in a permanent scowl.

"Valentino how can you remember where home is?" Rosabella cooed.

"Home is where my heart is!" he replied. "And I never forget where my heart is."

He sped up, weaving in and out of lanes like a maniac. They took turn after turn, until finally, they arrived at a huge white gate.

The gates opened slowly, letting the car pass by easily.

"So, who's at the home and who's at The Place?" he asked casually.

"Only your father and your _fratello _are at The Place. Everyone else has stayed to help prepare the meal," she smiled. "We're all excited for your arrival. But dear," she said softly, "what have you done to your hair?"

"You do not like it, love?" he asked, sounding sad.

She grinned. "I absolutely love it, darling. It's just…the last time it was purple and now it's black and white!"

"I remember the purple days…" Yvette groaned. "Bad times…"

"You know you liked it," Malikah flashed her a grin in the mirror. Valkyrie thought she saw a small smile and blush creep up on Yvette's face, but it was gone the instant Rosabella began squealing with excitement.

"Look, my love! Look at the house!" Rosabella shouted. The huge mansion was made of white and gray brick, with black windows and window shutters. The front door was a midnight black color, with a gold doorknob.

"It's great to be home!"

"This is where you live?" Valkyrie asked in disbelief.

"My house is better," Skulduggery snorted.

"What? Your tiny, graveyard house?"

"Small is sometimes better," he smiled. He cut the engine off and they all stepped out. Rosabella grabbed Malikah's arm and led him up to the door.

"Don't worry about us!" Valkyrie said. "We'll let ourselves in!"

"Sounds good!" Rosabella called back and they both swept into the house.

"Talk about blinded by love," Morgana groaned and pushed the door open. Already, there were people yelling in Italian. The four walked into a huge living room, and saw a woman, in her late fifties arguing with Malikah.

"Non c'è abbastanza cibo per tutti! Il Caparelli's a malapena sanno i tuoi amici, ragazza francese e spagnolo!" the woman said, gesturing her hands wildly.

Malikah sighed. "Mamma! Yvette non è francese e spagnola, né è Morgana. Yvette è solo un nome francese!"

"Beh ci sono ancora caro cibo non basta!"

"Mamma è sempre più cibo di quello necessario. Come possiamo non tutti i grandi e ancora gonfio?"

The woman groaned slightly. "Va bene, va bene. Ma non ci saranno torte, se la tua ragazza francese è qui!"

Malikah smiled. "Sì madre. Yvette non potrà mai dimenticare quel giorno."

"Are we talking about that pie thing again?" Yvette shouted angrily.

"Since when does French girl speak Italian?"

"I don't!" Yvette sighed. "I heard my name and assumed it was about the pie…"

"No, no, French girl. Under the Caparelli house, we know things. We don't assume."

"Guys," Malikah smiled at his friends. "This is my mother, Luisa Caparelli."

"Buongiorno!" the woman said. "Let's eat!"

There was a groan from Yvette.

* * *

Ok, we know it's only part one and that the ending kinda sucks, but look, it's 11:43pm and we are TIRED!!!!! Please R & R, trust us, we need it!


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